Back in 1995 (Way back in time), I was a young Airman stationed on the beautiful Island of Terceira in the Azores. I was working one night as the off-base patrolman along with my Portuguese AF partner Rui. It was a Friday night and yes, it was a full moon.
Incident #1 - I responded to a male, portuguese national masturbating in a Captain's backyard. Luckily, when I got there he had been run off. As I took statements from the Captain and his neighbors in the front yard, the Captain and his neighbor's house got broken into. Yes, they stole stuff out of the house while we were in the front yard. After finishing ALL the reports and paperwork I got the "Are you really that Stupid?" speech from my Sergeant.
Incident #2 - Domestic Dispute. As i got to the residence my Sergeant and other patrol were already there. We got the usual brief and then we entered the house to find the husband trying to stuff his naked wife in the fold-out sofa. Being 5'7" , I took one look at the 6'4" guy and told my Sergeant "um, you go first. I got your back." So, after we subdued him and my Sergeant received treatment for a busted nose, I got to do the paperwork again.
Incident #3 - Shoplifting. You guessed it. I had to detain the Chaplain's daughter for trying to sneak out with a Snapple. While waiting for the Chaplain (his daughter was underage), I left the other patrolamn to watch. When her father arrived we all rejoined them in the interrogation room. Once seated I read her her rights and asked her if she had any questions. She said, "Yea, where are the whips and chains?" My sergeant looked at the other patrolman and jokingly asked, "What the hell were you two doing?" He turned red as she said, "We were talking about what he would do to me if I was a prisoner chained to the wall." I was politely told to go back out on patrol. (For you pervs out there, it turned out to be innocent. She thought we actually beat people during interrogations.)
Incident #4 - After the first three incidents I thought Rui and myself would have a boring end of shift. Not so. I was called to a Captain's house to check his car. He had hit something in the fog and instead of stopping to see what he hit, he drove home and called us. As I checked his car I saw blood and the coarse hair of an animal and told my Sgt that. He wanted me to make sure and verify it was an animal and not a person. So we drove on the highway and found the cow (still alive) on the side of the road. My Sgt then asked if I could put it out of its misery to which I replied I only had one option. His reply "Cap it!" So, one shot to the head with my 9mm and it was done. As I got in my patrol car, Rui's radio came alive with his Lt yelling something in Portuguese. He looked at me and said, "uh oh." Turns out he lied to his duty officer of where we were going - 5 miles out of our jurisdiction. When the Azorean police got there I asked if I was in trouble. He said, "No, you saved me a bullet. But since your bullet killed the cow, you owe the farmer for the cow. "How much is a damn cow?" I thought.
To make a very long story short - The Portuguese were pissed. My Sgt was demoted, I was told to have my bags ready because they were trying to expel me from the country, and poor Rui was put in confinement for 30 days and got his head shaved. The incident made it all the way to the Pentagon before the Portuguese calmed down and let me finish my tour. And I'm told from friends stationed in the Azores that 13 years later the use of force briefing still states that we can not euthanized animals
Yes, this story is true and I still remember it as if it was yesterday. Why? Because it was supposed to be my day off.
